Satan the cell phone

This won't be easy but it's a story that needs to be told. Generally, I advocate that as long as you can get a laugh, it's not so bad. I even shared with you the time I was profiled in the newspaper as a fan of ANTM. Plus almost every one of the posts tagged with the family label are embarrassing in one way or another. That being said, what follows is a story that I have kept tightly locked up from the world.

The most embarrassing moment of my public relations career thus far!

Third year of university. Second co-op work term. Winter 2006. Halifax. Each year, the office I worked for at the time brings in an intelligent, forward-thinking speaker to discuss how we can bring our little big city to the next level. This year's guest was a high-profile former mayor of a real big city. Close to 1000 people had shown up and were listening to our director introduce the speaker. I'm relaxed. My work was coming to fruition.

The gentleman takes to the podium and starts by thanking the audience and raving about the natural beauty of our harbour. Heart-warming stuff. The audience is riveted. So am I which is why it took me so long to figure out why I started hearing music. Not a ringtone but an actual song. One that I recognized.

A few weeks earlier, I had been one of the first in town to pick up the fancy new iTunes phone. It holds 100 songs - yet refuses to put any of them as a ringtone unless you repurchase them from the online store - and was completely outdated about a month after I got it. It made me happy though because I could set alarms on my phone and wake up to music instead of teeny tiny bells that might as well be needles poking me in my sleepy eyes.

The day before the lecture, set to start at about 6:30pm, I took a nap after I got home from work. You know, so I'd be nice and rested for the big day. Coincidentally, I set my alarm to wake me up at 6:45pm. Of course, with a new phone, I didn't think to read all the details on alarm-setting. How complicated can it be? Well, apparently there is a way to turn off the alarm once but leave it set to ring daily. And it did.

Not only did it ring. It rang out loud and proud by playing Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkon. No wait - Since U Been Gone (Jason Nevins Rhythm Dance Radio Remix) by Kelly Clarkson. Now, my professors in class usually explained to us that sometimes you're better off pretending that the ringing phone interrupting everything isn't yours: "It'll stop ringing eventually." Alarms will not. They will keep going and going and going until you eventually have a self-induced stroke just to get yourself out of the situation.

Luckily, I figured this out by the time we hit the chorus and began vigorously - yet discretely - smashing my bag with my foot, hoping that my heel would eventually connect with the cell phone. Did people notice? Most definitely. Did it matter at that point? No.

My face was on fire by the time my shoe knocked the phone in the right place, stopping the horrifyingly inappropriate music outburst. It took a good 15 minutes to get my breathing under control again. Oh and hey, guess what: 15 minutes is how long the sleep function delays the next round of music.

So that's it. A couple hundred people. A former big city mayor. And Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. The Remix. Twice.

Top that.